Bailey the Barking Wonder

One of our former neighbors (to the back of us) had a dog named Bailey who, I am sure, won the World's Record for Endurance Barking a thousand times over. The owner put Bailey out whenever he had to be gone for a length of time, whereupon Bailey would proceed to bark with a persistence and loudness that was inconceivable, unless you witnessed it first hand. Bailey kept me up during my daytime sleeping attempts more times than I can count. I used to dread working two or three nights in a row when Bailey was at the peak of his career. Nothing worked to block the noise.

I once kept track of Bailey's barking, insofar as length of time and effort were concerned. His owner left him outside for a day and a half. In that period of time Bailey barked consistently through the day and night and most of the next day, with the exception of a 1/2 hour nap the first day and the period of time I did not keep track as I fell into an exhausted sleep for about 4 hours. If there is such a record as Endurance Barking, Bailey won it hands down.

I must say I wasn't sorry to see them move a month or so after his record setting bark-a-thon. I think the poet Billy Collins wrote this one just for me. Or if not just for me, then anyone who has ever worked the night shift and lived next door to a dog who loves to bark.


Another Reason I Don't Keep a Gun in the House

by Billy Collins

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
He is barking the same high, rhythmic bark
that he barks every time they leave the house.
They must switch him on on their way out.

The neighbors' dog will not stop barking.
I close all the windows in the house
and put on a Beethoven symphony full blast
but I can still hear him muffled under the music,
barking, barking, barking,

and now I can see him sitting in the orchestra,
his head raised confidently as if Beethoven
had included a part for barking dog.

When the record finally ends he is still barking,
sitting there in the oboe section barking,
his eyes fixed on the conductor who is
entreating him with his baton

while the other musicians listen in respectful
silence to the famous barking dog solo,
that endless coda that first established
Beethoven as an innovative genius.

I laughed out loud the first time I read this poem. I also wished I had Bailey's address so I could send that household a copy.

Kristin